Lipwig introduces postage stamps to Ankh-Morpork, hires golems to deliver the mail, and finds himself competing against the Grand Trunk Clacks line. Its downfall was when the trans-dimensional letter-sorting machine, created by the infamous inventor Bloody Stupid Johnson, became so highly tuned (owing to Johnson's substitution of 3 for pi in its design) that it was sorting letters before they were written, along with letters which might have been written, but weren't. Passing a cruel and dangerous test conducted by the few surviving members of a secret order of postmen, Lipwig "officially" becomes Postmaster, and also learns that the Post Office was once a very efficient operation. A wizard at Unseen University explains to him that this phenomenon is caused by the fact that words have power, and masses of them are currently crammed into every available inch of space in the Post Office. Lipwig eventually discovers that most of the men were killed by failure to safely interact with a "ghost reality" which overlays the physical structure in the Post Office. Lipwig learns that within the last couple of months, while he was waiting to die in his prison cell, a whole string of newly-appointed Postmasters have met their own deaths in the Post Office building. Tiddles, but it is even more set in its ways than its owners. They are more concerned about following the Post Office Regulations than seeing the postal system restored.
Two eccentric employees remain: the aged Junior Postman Tolliver Groat, and Stanley Howler, a pin-obsessed boy who was raised by peas. The Post Office has not functioned for decades, and the building is literally full of undelivered mail. With great reluctance, Lipwig takes up his duties, only to find things are even worse than he had presumed.
Lipwig’s first and last escape attempt is thwarted by a golem named Mr Pump, previously called Pump 19 because he had spent the previous 250 years at the bottom of a well pumping water, who delivers Lipwig back to the office of the Patrician. Lipwig chooses the latter, hoping that a chance to escape will present itself.
He is saved when his own death is faked and Lord Vetinari offers him a choice: he can walk out of the door (and fall to his death), or he can become Postmaster of the city’s run down Post Office. Nevertheless, he is confined to a cell in Ankh-Morpork and scheduled to be hanged, having stolen a total of AM$150,000. Moist von Lipwig (aka Albert Spangler) is a skilful con artist. 2.5 Than three point one four one five nine.
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